The Bullet Within the Flame
by windxalchemist
Summary: She was the bullet within the flame, his driving force, his everything. [RoyAi]
1. Never Know

Disclaimer: I do **not** own FMA or its characters/settings/etc. in any way, whatsoever, as much as I wish I did. If I did, I would already have made it royAi, at least three seasons, fluffy, and it wouldn't be titled FMA.

Never know

Mommy and Daddy always told me to knock first when entering their room after nine o'clock. They told me that it was "Mommy and Daddy time." I didn't quite understand it. I just think they're silly. Sometimes they would yell each other's names out. A lot of nights they would moan and I wondered if they were sick, or having bad dreams. I would hear crashing or ragged breathing, maybe they **were** sick. Were they fighting? But strangely enough, they are always in a better mood than usual on morning **after **these sort of loud nights. Mommy lets me get an extra cookie, or Daddy will let me see his cool spark gloves.

I don't understand. I guessed that I never would.


	2. Black Turtlenecks

Disclaimer: I do **not** own FMA or its characters/settings/etc. in any way, whatsoever, as much as I wish I did. If I did, I would already have made it royAi, at least three seasons, fluffy, and it wouldn't be titled FMA.

Black Turtlenecks

The Lieutenant always wore a black turtleneck. No one really knew why. They figured it was just one of those things. The Colonel always wore a white collar shirt. What else would a guy wear under his uniform, right?

Some days, the Colonel would some in, donned with a black turtleneck.

"Sir?"

"Havoc."

"A turtleneck?" he asked, wondering about this sudden change in wardrobe.

"um. It's the latest fad, he would always answer, leaving his male subordinates wondering what he meant by that."

No one knew why the Colonel would come in with a turtle neck on. Only the Lieutenant knew.

After all, it's not like Havoc was the one who gave him that sucker mark on his neck last night, right?


	3. Crap and Crud

Crap and Crud

The Mustang/Hawkeye dinner table was always a place where there was much controversy over the cooking, and the dishes.

"What do you mean its taste is indescribable! I'm just asking whether it's good or not!" Roy would demand. Or, at other times, "Roy, we've always used the same old dishes. Why does it suddenly matter that our dishes are bright red, and not deep red?"

Recently, the new addition was being picky about his food. The certain someone had also given up his "kiddy" chair, for one of the mahogany oak chairs that his parents sat in, "so I can be like Dad," he said. Also, the fact that he could reach over the dinner table without standing up contributed to the disposal of the chair.

Tonight, it was meatloaf and boiled vegetables. The family sat and talked about how school was, and PG military issues, which their 8 year old son was "helping" Mom and Dad with their work.

As Riza got up to clear the table, she noticed how her son's plate had been swept clean of meat loaf, carrots, and potatoes, and yet there was a small mountain of spinach on the farthest corner of his plate.

"Maes. Why didn't you finish your spinach?" Riza asked, expectantly.

"Because I was full?"

"Oh, okay then. I guess you don't want dessert," she replied, taking the plate.

"No! Mom wait!"

"Hm?" she paused, inwardly smiling.

"Uh, you know. Uh... Is that a new hair cut? I mean, you look great today!" he flattered.

Roy couldn't help but smile. He was a chip off the old block.

"Maes you need to eat your spinach."

"They're cross! It's like cat barf that somehow landed on my plate!" he protested.

"Maybe it doesn't taste like cat barf," she countered, "have you ever tried it?"

"No," he admitted.

"Then how do you know it's gross?"

"Dad told me," Maes said with a grin.

She looked at Roy. He sighed, and took the matter into his own hands.

"Son. I know this is hard to understand," he said, looking at Maes squarely in the eye, only Riza missed the mischievous twinkle in them.

"But you need to finish your crud if you want to get any crap for dessert."

Riza gaped indignantly at her husband, which he totally ignored while exchanging high fives with his son.

A chip off the old block indeed.


	4. Oh God, Why?

Oh God Why?

It was a cloudy day. It was almost as though if the sky was crying for her, since she couldn't. Or rather, because she wouldn't. Yes, today was the day; another sad year had passed by.

She wore a grimace while standing in front of his grave; the grim expression broke only when she saw a bouquet of flowers already on the grave. So, another person had visited too? She gave a sigh. Even if she had strained herself, tears wouldn't come out. Nope, not even if one took her tear ducts and wrung them out, would they find a drop of moisture. She had stopped crying long ago, she promised herself that she would.

She did not see much sense in talking to a tombstone, nor the dead body beneath the soil, but offered a few words out of the image of intimacy and courtesy.

"So, Father, how's it up there? Or in the ground… or wherever you are?" she asked, "Is it any better than here, on earth?"

When nothing happened, nor was there any semblance of an answer, she felt extremely foolish. Why did she bother? She put down her bouquet next to the anonymous one, and walked away. It was sad, how she and her father lost their relationship. She felt it tweak at her heart. The problem was not that they hadn't loved each other, more like; they wanted to stay away from the other. Ever since the day that Mother died… from that moment on, his new love was research. The worst of it all, was that she just watched him waste away in front of her eyes.

She exhaled heavily again. Then something caught her eye as she headed towards the cemetery gate. She stopped and looked up. It was the remainder of the Hughes family. Little Elysia was putting down flowers. Here, another family tragically devastated by death. Yes, Maes' death had affected so many people, but mostly **_him_**, save Maes' family. It had been three months, and still his eyes. They still flowed full with sorrow. It hurt, just to look into those deep pools of obsidian dark.

"Bye Daddy. I'll visit again soon, promise, okay?" she child said, parting from her father.

Riza couldn't help but to smile a little at this bitter sweetness in amongst death. How life could go on, even when someone was gone forever, never again to return to their loved ones.

When the Hughes family left, she decided to pay respect to Maes as well. She slowly walked over to his grave. There were white roses, laid out it an array. Truthfully, it was the creation of a three year old that only a mother could love, and yet, she found it quite satisfying.

"Hey Maes, Daishou… sir," she greeted.

There was a small beam of sunlight on that cloudy day, and she liked to believe that it was the reply to her greeting. She smiled.

"How is where you are? Because, down here, it's like an alternative of hell," she asked.

A gust of wind blew, sending her hair billowing to the right.

She sighed, "Yeah, it's been hard on… him. We all miss you, but none more than him," she took a breath, "He's been… working himself to death, do you know? Working all night, drinking, and then, fumbling home, just to start the process all over again.

Riza felt her eyes starting to sting; she sharply in took a breath and continued to speak to his tombstone.

"Oh God, Maes, why? Why? Is the fact that he wanted to make this country a better place such a transgression? What did he do that was so wrong?"

She felt the tears threatening to surface, to overflow.

"You wouldn't know how much he's suffered. It feels so hopeless, I feel useless, standing there next to him, claiming to help him, when…when."

There was no stopping the tears now; she brought her hand to her lips as her vision was blurred by the flow of liquid. No! What were the tears doing here? She couldn't cry, she had promised to stay strong for him.

"I feel so useless, so useless, standing next to him, claiming to be helping him, when in all reality, I can't do a thing for him," she was bent on her knees, on the ground, "I promised to protect him when it rains, but how can I, when it's always raining in his heart? Why Maes, why? Why does he keep asking me to stay next to him, when I can't do a thing for him?"

She continued to cry, for **_him_**, for Maes, and for herself. Tears that she had kept suppressed within herself for so long. Crying, for him, since he won't do so himself. Crying for him, because she loved him.

Suddenly, she felt a hand on her shoulder, and a deep voice whispered, "You're not useless," into her ear.

Riza jerked up, and started to wipe the tears away.

"M-Mustang Taisa," she gasped. She turned to him. He held out a handkerchief. It was blue, but not blue enough to rival her emotional downslide.

"Thank you sir," she said, taking the cloth.

"You're not useless," he murmured, his face slightly to the ground.

"Pardon, sir?"

"You're not useless," he repeated, with more confidence.

"How long have you been standing there, sir?"

"I- I'm sorry Chuui, I didn't know that I was making you feel that way," he said, ignoring her question.

"No, sir, my deepest apologies, uh, I won't prolong your visit with Hughes Daishou, sir," she apologized, and started to walk away.

Then a pair of hands locked violently onto her shoulder and shook her. She was very taken aback by this sudden course of action that her commanding officer had taken.

"Damn it all Riza! Why can't you ever ask for something!" he lambasted, his eyes were full ofhurt, and anger,"Couldn't you have asked, 'Can I stay here with you,' or 'Can I have a hug?' or something like that! You're always giving, and giving, and giving to me! And, there seems to be no reason why you should be endlessly giving to me! On top of that you never let me give back to you!"

She was shocked, her eyes wide, "I –uh- I'm sorry sir," she said, at loss for better words.

"And stop apologizing!" he snapped, his face now shimmering an apologetic look.

"I'm sor- I mean, yes sir."

They stared at the ground awkwardly, his hand dropped from her shoulders. They quietly avoided eye contact as the wind howled at them, and dark clouds gathered together.

"I'm, sorry, Chuui. I didn't mean to yell at you."

"That's all right, sir."

"Chuui?"

"Hai?"

"Is it okay?" he paused, "is?" he stopped again, "is it okay if… I… hold you?"

She was alittle astonished, but nonetheless, she smiled, and nodded weakly, welcoming the much needed embrace. And with that, he closed the gap between them. He wrapped his arms around her tightly, stroked her hair, and she in return wrapped her arms around his neck. She grabbed onto his coat, while he buried his face into her hair. They read much more from their sentences than the words and actions actually betrayed.

As a ray of light shined down on the two embracing figures, Riza smiled weakly through her tears. She liked to believe that it was her reply to her questions.

Because, they loved each other, and just the mere presence of one another, was more than a reason to live.


	5. Where Do You Put Your Noses?

. Where do you put your noses? .

That afternoon was their day off. The couple sat on their couch, feverently, er… kissing. Riza's arms were around Roy's neck, and one of his arms wrapped around her waist, other hand her face. They took quick gasps of air when needed to avoid breaking the kiss. Roy thrust his tongue into her mouth and started to massage her tongue with his. She moaned, and in return started to rub Roy's crotch with her knee in a very seductive manner. To this Roy also gave a pleasured moan. She felt his tongue traveling through ever dip and delve in her mouth. Their legs were entangled together as Roy proceeded to plant kisses down her jawline.

"Where do you put your noses?" a young voice asked.


	6. Do You Remember?

Heyy. Back with more. :

So, I have a disclaimer for this chapter of my story.

I took the main idea (the whole, dream, Roy and Riza in the rain, and Roy waking up talking to Riza about the dream) from the doujinshi called **Chain**. But the details are mine. So, yeah. Read and enjoy. Feedback is appreciated. Thanks for taking the time to read.

* * *

Do You Remember?

"Taisa, Taisa, Taisa!" a voice gently prodded in his world of slumber.

"Chuui?" he groggily responded.

"Taisa, you stil have a report to finish," she reminded him.

"Mmm. Sorry, Chuui," he said, rubbing his eye. "Can I have five more minutes?"

She looked at her commandind officer. He didn't seem to be fully awake yet, so she obliged.

"Very well sir, five more minutes," she agreed, going outside to make some coffee.

Roy plopped back down onto the couch, pulled the blanket over him again, and returned to his dream.

He was hacking for breath, while grabbing onto his side. The rain was pouring by the bucketful. As the sand next to him was mixing with his blood, he tried to snap, but it was to no avail. He attempted to call out for help, but he had neither the energy, nor the concentration to say anything. It was all he could do to keep from losing consciousness.

Damn, no, it couldn't end here! He clenched his fist as pain seared through his body. He still needed to live! He had people to protect! He'd made promises! This couldn't be the end of the line!

He pushed as hard as he could, against the soil beneath him, but it proved to be too much of a challenge to get up at all. AS his breath slowly became more ragged, he closed his eyes, waiting for his finale to come.

"Mustang Shousa! Shousa!" a feminie voice screamed out into the quick pitter patter. "Shousa! Shousa! Mustang Shousa?!"

"Kouhosei," he rasped.

The woman ran over to him, her hair was at ear lenth now, from not being able to cut her hair since the war had started. It stuck to her wet face in all angles.

"Sho- Shousa," she cried, taking hold of his dull senses once more.

"Hey…Hawkeye," he paused for air, "is this really the end?" and that sent him into a fit of coughs.

"Shousa! Don't say that! I said I'd be there to protect you!"

"Haha," he darkly chuckled, "the truth may be inevitable Hawkeye," that sentence alone left him struggling for air, and coughing. He tried to keep back the taste of blood in his throat.

"Please sir! Don't strain youself!"

Even though the rain was spouting from the clouds he could still see the tears welling up in her eyes. He took her trembling hand in his, and he started to rub her knuckles with his thumb pad.

"You know, I was too careless…" he murmured, "if I'd just listened to you," now a drop of blood was trickling down his lower cheek, along with more coughing.

"Shousa!" she cried out again, "Please, Mustang Shousa, don't. Shhhh."

The two of them were both drenched to the bone.

"Shhh, please don't say anything sir," Riza said, putting a finger on his lips, just as he was about to say something.

He could still taste the blood in his throat. As consciousness started to slip away from his grasp, his eyelids started to fall.

"Shousa! Shousa!" she yelled, then groaned intensely, "Dammit Roy Mustang! Don't die on me here!"

With all the strength he could muster, he held her in an embrace. He heard her gasp, and try to push away, telling him to reserve his energy; but he held her close. After a few seconds, she wrapped her arm around his shoulders and neck, as he slowly stroked her hair.

"Don't leave me, Shousa," she whispered in his ear. "Please… Taisa, Taisa. Taisa. Taisa!"

Someone gently shook him awake again.

"Taisa, Taisa!"

His eyelids flapped open, as he was greeted by the face of his subordinate.

"Hey Chuui," he smiled, still half asleep.

"Hello Taisa," she greeted back, the ends of her mouth, curved up ever so slightly.

She handed him his cup of coffee as he pulled back the blanket, and leaned on his pillow. He sat up and motion for his Chuui to come sit next to him. She gave a small half frown, but obliged nonetheless.

He stared into his cup, as she took a sip.

"Hey, uh, Chuui. Remember during the war?"

"How could I forget sir?" she simply answered.

"Well, remember that day, when I got stabbed by that Ishbalan near my rib cage?"

"Yes, sir. I do," she replied, taking another sip.

"Then, can I ask you something?"

"Sir?"

"Were you crying, for…_me_?" he asked hesitantly.

She stared into her cup.

"Actually sir, I found out that day that my pet dog had been fatally injured.

"Oh," he said, slightly crestfallen, but nonetheless noting that she didn't directly say no.

She got up and stretched slightly, giving an uncharacteristically lazy yawn. It struck him as odd.

"Hey wait, I don't remember you having a pet dog when we were younger!" he protested, thinking back from when they were children living with Hawkeye-Sensei.

"I didn't sir, he was a dog of the military," she stated calmly, while giving him a wry smile, "I'd say you know this military dog quite well, sir."

He returned the wry smile, asking, "Does he have bad work habits?"

"Oh, that's just the beginning of it, sir," she replied.


	7. Getting Harder

So, yeah. This one's a mangaverse one shot. Yes, I don't know. I sort of wrote it on whim, wondering how they're coping from separation. I think it's a different uptake on how they're dealing than what most people would do. Feedback is appreciated. Arigatou. :

* * *

Getting Harder

"Miss Hawkeye," the voice of the older male called from the other sides of the door.

"I'm sorry your Excellency, but, I don't feel well today, might I be excused, sir?" she answered.

"Ah, Miss Hawkeye, you know you **must** be present at the meeting," the man, no… the being paused, "after all, it would be a shame to never see Mustang Taisa again, wouldn't it?"

Damn that man. She had learned long ago that the Fuhrer wouldn't hesitate to kill the Taisa if it meant for her to come with him to meetings. He loved to torment him. He knew exactly how to pull Mustang Taisa's strings. What else could be worse to the man than watching her, his most trusted subordinate, his right hand woman, serving as a pawn underneath the Fuhrer.

She clenched her fist. Why did that beast insist on torturing her so? Her thoughts drifted off to the first meeting she attended.

_"Sir, May I be excused. Please?" she asked at his quizzical gaze._

_"Of course Miss Hawkeye."_

_She left the Fuhrer's side, sighing in relief once she turned the corner, and reached the restroom door. Suddenly, someone taped on her shoulder._

_"Ch- Chuui? Could I have a word?"_

_"T-Taisa?" she whispered, incredulous, "I uh, I mean, of course, sir."_

_She discreetly followed him to a spare closet. More namely, the spare closet where they used to discuss Fuhrer matters. As soon as the door was closed, and bolted shut, they spoke._

_"Taisa, what is it?" she asked._

_"I-it's good to see you again," he shakily said, mentioning the month long absence the two had experienced._

_"Sir?"_

_"Has he hurt you anywhere? Riza, answer me," he demanded, grabbing onto her shoulders._

_Then she understood. This meeting here in the closet wasn't about earning authority over this country, or exploiting the Fuhrer. This meeting in the closet, it was about **them**, and he was risking his whole career, just to make sure she was fine._

_She gave a small smile, and then put a hand on his._

_"I'm fine Taisa. You know I'm more than capable of keeping myself safe."_

_Then Roy let out a sigh of relief. He took the hand that was on his, and rubbed her palm with his thumbs._

_"I'm glad you're all right. I was so worried," he admitted, still holding her hand._

_She could see the worry lines over his face. There were dark bags starting to form under his eyes. Riza noted the weight loss that his face alone had experienced. It shattered her heart to pieces, just seeing him like this._

_"You should get more sleep, sir," she commented, taking hold of his other hand._

_"Yeah, I should," he agreed._

_She bit her lower lip, then spoke, "Sir, are you all right yourself?"_

_"I'm… fine. Really Hawkeye, you should be worrying about yourself."_

_He was so hopelessly bad at lying to her._

_"You always were horrible at lying to me," she reminded him._

_"I know that too," he once again agreed, giving a dark sort of grin._

_"I know we can make this work," she assured, even though she wasn't half as confident as she sounded, "soon enough... you'll be at the top of this country, and.. you'll be able to accomplish everything you've ever wanted to."_

_"But, this is right now. What do I do right now? There's nothing I can do here, and now. It's not like I have some time machine or anything. So what the hell am I supposed to do now?! I'm so damn helpless!" he growled frustratedly._

_"Oh, Roy," she whispered in a rebuking tone. She gave him a sad look. "You try to carry the whole world on your back, and then, when you drop your load, you blame no one but yourself." She started to rub his cheek with her thumb. "Don't kill yourself over the inevitable," she said quietly, "You can always load a little on my back, and when the day comes that you can hold it all, I'll still be there."_

_Riza felt his arms snake around her waist, and she wrapped her other arm around his neck._

_"Riza," he murmured._

_With that, the gap between their lips was enclosed in a long overdue kiss. He gently pressed against the wall of the closet. When they broke apart for air, Roy spoke, "I know it seems highly selfish of me, but, please… don't give up on me."_

_She pressed her lips to his again, and softly smiled, replying, "You know I won't," against his lips._

_Roy pressed one hand against the wall and one hand still held her figure while she still grabbed onto his uniform. Both kissed hungrily, as if it were the last time they'd ever hold each other._

_They lost themselves, in kiss after intoxicating kiss. As they moaned into each other's mouth, they barely noticed the time that passed by._

_Ten minutes later, the pair were back at their respective places, with the memory of the kiss freshly implanted into their minds, and lips._

_"Meet me again the next time we have a meeting," he pleaded breathlessly._

_And of course, she had agreed._

_No one but them knew the secret behind that closet door. No one knew of the pains they took to keep themselves from being caught. No one knew how they would lose themselves in another kiss in that crowded closet. No one knew how much the meetings meant to them. Neither did they know that it would be hard, oh so hard, to break away once again. To break away from the bliss that being together brought, was pain. _

"Miss Hawkeye."

"Yes, sir?"

"Are you coming?"

"Of course, sir."

And she would meet him again today, both hoping that one day; they would be able to share a kiss without hiding it from the world. Neither would forget the pain that seared into their hearts when they were forced to break away.

Every second spent together was even more precious than the last. And that's why, it was always getting harder and harder to let go.

* * *

Different? Good? Bad? Why?

Feedback is appreciated.


	8. Killer Killer

**Title:** Killer, Killer

**Author:** lj user="windxalchemist"

**Characters: **Roy, Riza, Roy/Riza if you squint.

**Rating: **PG for possibly mature themes and smoking.

**Word Count: **188

**Notes: **Possible spoilers, nothing apocalyptic.

Exhaling a long string of smoke, he lets his voice cut through the stretch of silence.

"Do you think it's possible to forget?"

He doesn't particularly like the bitter taste of cigarettes, but he continues to inhale and exhale. He particularly dislikes the way he wrinkles her nose at the scent.

"Do you?"

He dislikes it enough to take out the butt between his lips; it's enough time for her to sharply grab the stick and crush it into the ash tray.

He smiles.

"Doubt it."

She crosses her arms then leans against the back of the chair, looking at the ceiling wistfully. She closes her eyes on a long sigh.

He allows himself the rare luxury of admiring her neckline. Moments pass and he's startled when she cracks an eye open. She raises her brow at him, as if in admonition. He gives a shrug as if in reply before covering his frown with his palm.

"It would be nice to forget," she says suddenly. A sad smile mars her pretty face. Their eyes meet. He finds that he can mirror her expression perfectly.

"Yeah."

After all, Roy knows all too well that only those who have killed can possess eyes like those.


End file.
